s p o n t a n e i t y
When you have an eating disorder, you’re life becomes to full of rules and rituals that to an extent you forgot what it’s like to do something randomly or without planning.
I know that I always plan my meals, whether I mean to or not because it’s a way my eating disorder claims control of my life and actions.
However today, this was massively challenged.
I was working on my Grandpa’s farm and it I turned out the jobs took much longer than expected! I hadn’t planned to have lunch there as I’d thought we’d be finished (we didn’t actually finish until 4 😅) so unlike my brother and dad I hadn’t brought lunch to eat.
Cue a panic!! 😱
I didn’t know what to do: go home, go to a shop or find something at my grandpa’s house. 🤔
I chose the latter in the end as it was easiest geographically but definitely tricky mentally. He lives alone now so only has a small selection of the food he likes - most of which I don’t, and none of it is veggie 😟.
After rooting through the pantry the only thing I managed to find was honey so I ended up having a honey sandwich. 🍯🥪
Honey is a food I haven’t eaten in years, but in that moment I wasn’t too fussed. I knew I had to eat as we were working very hard 👷🏼and honestly, it felt quite appealing having a honey sandwich - threw me back to my childhood 🧒.
So, what I’m trying to say is that my plan didn’t happen. I couldn’t have what I’d expected to have for lunch and I had to pick anything that was possible in a short amount of time ⏰ . But nothing happened! I’m fine! I’m still here, all those lies my eating disorder told me didn’t come true. I’m still myself!
Don’t be scared to break the rules because nothing bad will happen, you’ll still be you and you’ll be one step closer to defeating your eating disorder 💪